Many people celebrate friends’ pregnancies – with no way of expressing their own longing for children | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

Me I tried to look up the baby’s fever, but all I got was information on how to take the baby’s vitals and temperature. That’s the American term for baby fever. In British English, we tend to say broody, which comes from chickens, and the word has a calm, welcoming sound. A friend asked me, ‘Do you want to get pregnant?

In my memoir, Year of the Cat, coming out this month, I try to pinpoint that feeling of longing. Because it seemed to me that literature hadn’t explored it enough yet. words. Eventually I had to resort to Welsh to describe it.I use the word longingwhich means feeling like home but craving a place, person, or time that may have only existed in your imagination.

That’s the closest description I can get, and I think it goes some way to explaining the feeling of recognition that people describe when they meet their child for the first time: “Oh, that’s you.” In the song “For You”, one of the few tracks that verbalizes these feelings, she sings “I called you / Almost every night” and “When you came into my life / It takes one,” sings. To know one/And I saw you there/Like I’ve seen you all my life’.

Of course, I was lucky because my wish came true. That may be why I am able to write this way now, but I wasn’t pregnant at the time I was writing the book, so there was always the risk of it being published, and my difficult feelings being heard unresolved. But regardless of what happened with my own story, I wanted to write it for all women, and men. It can be hard to tell someone you love that you want what they have. Sometimes it’s easier to just leave the WhatsApp group or skip the baby shower.

In my research on longing, like many things about female reproduction, of course very little has been written, but most papers and studies have found that the visceral physical and emotional feelings of wanting to have a baby are Mostly sociable as opposed to hormonal. A 2011 Kansas State University study cited her three factors: The degree of negative exposure to the baby that dampens cravings. And how someone views the “trade-offs” of being a parent. In an article on infant fever, a fertility expert said, “People with infant fever see nothing but positive effects in their lives.”

I can’t argue with the experts, but I know what I felt. But it didn’t change the instinctive longing that I felt or that many others describe. Older women who felt it before menopause also say it fades over time (although others had to learn to live with it for the rest of their lives). And also men have never felt it at all, so I always thought there might be an evolutionary reason for this. predator. Are the women I know who have never wanted children simply immune to social pressure or is it inherent? Perhaps we’re all just socialized to blame our hormones. Whatever the reason, they’re tired of being told their moods change.

What I do know is that unless we talk honestly about longing, at least within our family and friend groups, it will continue to manifest in unpleasant ways. I could see both sides when I said I ruined the opportunity. Though fertility message boards and support groups can offer some solace to those in need , it remains difficult for many childless couples to talk about. You can try your way out of the problem, but there are no guarantees. The whims of the female body remain inexplicable and uncontrollable. That is why admiration is still stigmatized. The desperation of that feeling of wanting something you probably can’t have is something many people would rather not know about.

what is working

Baby Door Bouncer is really in his element now as he’s desperate to move but not crawling (our family tends to bum shuffle). When he’s in it, he does his cozy little Irish jig. Will exercise tire him out and get him back to sleep through the night? There’s only hope.


But his Baby Björn Bouncer, though expensive, is a real lifesaver and can be picked up second-hand, but its usefulness has come to an end. Its a way of mourning his death as a fail-safe way to put the baby to sleep, and he loved to let himself down to music. Most recently Anarchy in the UK. I can’t seem to find a decent toddler locker that will give him the same thrills and is also suitable for a baby his size.

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